lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
