Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
