How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
