someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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