we have officially lost it.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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