Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
