I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
