yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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