So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
