All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
