): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
