Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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