Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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