I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
