Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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