I just cut my nipple shaving
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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