Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
