I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
