Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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