i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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