So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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