Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
