Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
