did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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