I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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