All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
