Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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