Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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