Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
