your thong is hanging out like whoa
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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