so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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