They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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