I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
