you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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