a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
