Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize