I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
