at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
