i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
