porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
