Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
