Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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