Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
