Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
