My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
