If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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