Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
