I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
