I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
