i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
