mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
