Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
