Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
