I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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