I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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