i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
