is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
