it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
