i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
