Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
