Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize