ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I puked a lego.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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