I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
