Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
