I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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