yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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