If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
