Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
