I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
