I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
