Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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