Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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