Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
