Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
