with your own penis?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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