He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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