I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
