We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize