Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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