I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize