dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
