TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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