btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
