I never want to see another naked old woman again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
