There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
